On the other End
by Tarika Nachtwind
Summary: A very different "Endgame". What is wrong with Kathryn? How will the ship get home? And what is Seven up to? JC, as always.


_A/N: I know, I know, I should rather keep writing on Kat than starting another story. Can I help it, though, that this just got stuck in my mind? I am very glad that you are so patient with me, as I am so slow in updating. I'll try to get better. Unfortunately, there are exams coming up and I am terrified of them. I should put my head in the books instead of writing (__sigh)__. So I ask you once again to be patient with me. A few reviews will brighten my days. _:)

_Disclaimer: They all belong to Paramount._

**On the other End**

Absentmindedly she rubbed the spot where the hypospray had touched her skin mere seconds before and struggled to sit up. A pair of caring hands held her back.

"Easy there, Captain! Please lie still for a while. We could send for someone to help you back to your quarters. I am afraid the painkiller will leave you quite disoriented for a while." The Doctor looked at his captain with concern. Intense blue eyes met his. During the weeks they seemed to have become darker, like two still, deep lakes.

"So we are on the stronger medication, then." Captain Janeway nodded her head and sat up gingerly. The room spun around her, yet she willed herself to ignore it.

The Doctor hesitantly put his hand on her shoulder in order to comfort her as she had done so many times before. "Captain, I fear it is time to..." He almost choked on his words. Usually it would be a small triumph for him to order his captain to rest or threaten her to relieve her of command. It had been their game for so long. Yet, during these past months both had seen a different side of their opponent. The Doctor had been very kind and understanding, not lecturing but explaining and suggesting. The Captain had been very eager to follow his advices, hoping to keep going as long as possible.

Kathryn put a reassuring hand on his. "I know, Doctor, it is time for me to step down." She jumped off the biobed and only her still fast reflexes kept herself from falling. She breathed in deeply in order to gain her balance, reprimanding herself for not being more careful. She had forgotten the side effects of the medicine.

"Maybe I should call Samantha, she..."

"No, Doctor, I will be alright." She put on a brave smile. "I can't have rumors about my health on my last day, now, can I?" Slowly, she made her way out of sickbay.

...

Kathryn didn't know how she ended up in her quarters without hitting the floor once. She still felt dizzy and nauseous. Yet, she must have put on a pretty good act. None of the crewmen she had passed had shown any signs that indicated that something was amiss. Exhausted, she stretched out on her couch. Her last day as captain and she couldn't even be it. She wanted to be on the bridge again one more time, but her own body betrayed her. She slapped her combadge. "Janeway to Commander Chakotay."

"Chakotay here."

"Commander, I will take the day off. You'll have the bridge."

"Alright, Captain. Chakotay out."

Kathryn sighed at his brusqueness. She knew it was her own fault. She had opted to put up this wall between them in order to keep him from hurting. When he showed signs that he was interested in Seven of Nine, she even arranged that both could spent more time together. She was relieved to know that both her best friend and surrogate daughter would take care of each other. The green monster called jealousy might have reared its ugly head once or twice, but she never fed it. Now, though, she wished she could speak with him, confide in him all her fears and receive a hug or two along with soothing words. Captain Janeway felt utterly alone.

She woke with a start when somebody demanded entrance. Hurriedly, she sat up, asking the computer for the time and trying to arrange her tousled hair in a more orderly way.

"The time is 1713", the computer responded to her question. That late? She hadn't even realized that she had fallen asleep. And she skipped lunch. Lately, Kathryn had taken to regular meals. They made her feel better and helped her being alert throughout the day, since the Doctor had made her give up her beloved coffee. Of course she had hated it, but then it had just been another sacrifice she made for her crew. She would do anything to be with them as long as possible. Today she doubted, though, that she could have kept her lunch down. She still felt woozy.

"Come", she called and hoped that she looked respectable enough. Her uniform was wrinkled from sleeping in it. Oh well, she couldn't help that now.

It was Chakotay. He balanced a small stack of Padds in one hand. "Here are the reports that came in today. I thought you might want to look at them, tonight."

She looked up and for a short time their eyes met. "I appreciate it. Thank you, Chakotay", she said with a warm smile, although her voice trembled ever so slightly. Her first officer turned on the spot and started to leave. A sharp pain shot through her chest. The effort to keep herself from crying out aloud made her eyes water. Once the dam broke, she couldn't hold her tears back. Silently, she started to sob in her hands she had clasped in front of her face.

Chakotay was on his way out of her quarters but stopped in the doorway keeping the doors from closing. Out of a sudden, her eyes had started to haunt him. They had been so sad, hopeless even. He couldn't bear to have seen it on the face of the woman he always had admired for her strength. He turned around. The picture of agony that unfurled before him pierced his heart.

With a few strides he was at his captain's side. He hesitated for a moment then sat down beside her and awkwardly put his arm around her shaking shoulders. When was the last time he had done that? And he couldn't remember to ever have seen her this way. After a while, he started to rub her back, whispering softly: "Shh, it's ok. Hey, everything will be alright. Shh." Kathryn shook her head vigorously. Suddenly, she turned around and buried her head in his chest. Chakotay was surprised at this gesture, but kept speaking soothing words and rubbing her back. 'She is so bony', he thought. Guiltily he realized that he hadn't done a very good job of looking after his captain, lately. She had kept to herself for a while now and their friendship, consequently, had suffered. At first, he had tried to coax her into participating in social events. They had had a few private dinners together. But she had been quiet, only talking about work. There had been no banter, no private joke, only a captain, who had too much to do to stay any longer. When Seven of Nine first approached his lonely form in the mess hall asking shyly whether she could join him on his table, he was flattered. He found her intriguing and he really enjoyed the attention he suddenly received. Now, he wished he had kept a closer eye on Kathryn. She was his best friend after all and he knew her bad habits.

Silence brought him back to the present. "Hey", he whispered. "Kathryn?" The woman in his arms jumped at the sound and was standing next to the window, hiding in the shadows with her back to her first officer before he could react at all. Chakotay clenched his teeth. Why did she always infuriate him so? He only wanted to help. "Kathryn, tell me what's wrong. Now!"

"I... I am sick", she replied quietly.

Chakotay almost smiled at that. Their fearless Captain just hated sickbay. "Well, go see the doctor then. I can walk you there if you like."

Kathryn closed her eyes in frustration. She turned around, looking squarely in the eyes of her XO. "I meant: Are you prepared to captain Voyager?"

He opened his mouth to tell her that the question was irrelevant, when suddenly the scales fell from his eyes. But that just couldn't be true, now, could it?


End file.
